Facing Fear - A Coaching Approach to Understanding What’s Beneath the Surface
- Becky Webber
- Apr 11
- 3 min read
Fear isn’t always loud; it often hides behind what we think we’re managing: over-preparing, overthinking, and trying to stay one step ahead.
In my coaching work, I’ve noticed that many high-achievers don’t easily name fear. They push forward, stay in control, and carry a lot. Not because they’re weak but because they care deeply about doing the right thing.
But fear can show up whether we acknowledge it or not. And when we ignore it, it doesn’t disappear. It just finds quieter ways to shape how we lead, make decisions, and relate to others.
What does fear sound like in a coaching session?
“I just need to make sure everything’s covered.”
“I can’t afford to mess this up.”
“If this goes wrong, I will take the rap.”
Sometimes, that kind of fear is surface-level: fear of failure, blame, or judgement. But sometimes, when we dig a little deeper, the fear is older and less visible: a fear of not being good enough, of being rejected, of letting people down.
A Technique - The “Then What?” Ladder
One tool I use in coaching is to walk through the fear. Not to fuel it but to understand its shape and power.
We begin with the presenting fear.
“What if the presentation goes badly?”
Then what? I might stumble or lose track of my point.
Then what? People might question my credibility.
Then what? I could be overlooked for future opportunities.
Then what? I start to doubt myself. Replay every moment. Try to overcompensate.
Then what? I avoid visibility altogether.
At the end of that ladder is often the real fear, not of the presentation itself but of being dismissed, judged, or not seen as capable. And that’s where insight lives.
What Fear Might Be Trying to Tell You?
Fear isn’t always a red flag. Sometimes, it’s a message, a protective instinct, or a call for attention.
What might this fear be asking you to notice?
Where might it be echoing something from your earlier life or career?
What boundaries, support, or space might you need, not to eliminate fear but to loosen its grip?
When we stop running from fear and get curious about it, we begin to take back choice.
A Recommended Watch
If this resonates, I highly recommend Karen Thompson Walker's TED Talk, What Fear Can Teach Us.
Karen explores how fear is more than panic. It’s a kind of storytelling. And if we listen differently, it may have something valuable to teach us.
Reflective Questions You Can Explore
Whether you’re facing a specific challenge or just noticing that fear keeps popping up in subtle ways, try sitting with these:
What fear is present for me right now?
What’s the story this fear is telling me?
What am I afraid might happen… and then what?
What part of me is this fear trying to protect?
What would shift if I listened with curiosity, not panic?
If this feels familiar…
You're not alone. Fear is a part of being human, especially for those who care deeply, lead with heart, and hold themselves to high standards.
If fear has been showing up in your leadership, career, or decision-making, and you’re ready to explore it in a safe, structured, and reflective way, I’d love to support you through coaching.
Comments